Where shall good films be found?

Here is a list (not mine, and not sure of its origin) of 40 things that can happen only in the movies.

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

2. When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it’s aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard…

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they’re involved in a pursuit).

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20. All single women have a cat.

21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year.

24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don’t mind at all what the girl does for a living.

27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

28. It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly.

29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone’s Law).

30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.

38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.

39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren’t liked and would never get invited to parties).

40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).

This list fits well with my list of "non-good movie" paradigms. There are certain aspects in certain movies that, while not making them bad, do not help to make them good. At least, I rarely ever see these aspects in good movies. So there presence in an indicator that the movie is not that good. There are exceptions, though I have never seen them. At any rate, here is the list:

1. The A-Team paradigm: Any film that has a rock music montage of people building something (normally some type of armored vehicle) or of a person training for something (usually a boxing/martial arts match) is probably not a good movie. Examples: Rocky 2-present, Ernest Goes to Camp.

2. The Jane Austin paradigm: Any film in which a man a woman love each other, and everyone knows it, and yet they refuse to admit it, is probably not a good movie. Examples: While You Were Sleeping, Maid in Manhattan, every Hugh Grant movie

3. The Godzilla paradigm: Any movie with a monster resulting from they by-products of human civilization, i.e. nuclear waste, garbage, sewage, or from evolution is probably not a good movie. I don't know if I would even consider it a movie. Examples: Mimic, Jurassic Park.

4. The Jack Bauer paradigm: Any movie in which only one man, a regular Joe, has the ability to save the bus, plane, ship, building, city, planet from certain destruction is probably not a good movie. Examples: Speed, Under Siege, Die Hard's.

5. The Paul Walker paradigm: Any movie built entirely around one type of event, i.e. fighting, racing, flying, is probably not a good movie. Examples: The Fast and the Furious, Gone in 60 Seconds, every Jean-Claude van Damm movie.

(Note: I have seen all of these films. Since some of these films are known non-good films, I shouldn't waste my time watching them.)

6. The Eddie Murphy paradigm: Any movie in which an actor wears a fat suit and/or dresses as a woman is probably not a good movie. Examples: Dr. Doolittle, Mrs. Doubtfire.

7. The Jackie Chan paradigm: Any "buddy movie" in which two unlike and ostensibly incompatible people are paired together is probably not a good movie. Examples: Rush Hour, The Man.

I am sure I will think of more in the future. I will post them when I do. For now, avoid these types of movies.
That is all.

Google Maps

I was planning this exact trip this summer.

Sunsets

Our back porch faces west. We get some really cool sunsets over the mountains. Here are some from two different days.

Music video

Some of you may remember the "OK Go" music video. That won an award on YouTube. I came across this other music video that I think is even better. Apparently, they sang the entire song backwards, then reversed it in the editing room to get this amazing video. Wow.

Reminder

I will not be posting many photos to this account. Most of the photos that I post will go to my Flickr account. Please go there, and leave a comment if you can.
Thank you.
That is all.

Spring break

I am currently on spring break. It has been a nice time. I have not, and will not, done anything special (unless you consider sleeping until 8 special). I have primarily stayed at our new house doing some unpacking. This is much fun. The only thing more fun than unpacking is packing, and the only thing more fun than packing is corn removal. It is nice to walk around our spacious house and not see boxes everywhere. It is nice for everything to have a place. This house has plenty of places for everything.
I have had a couple of job interviews. I will not be returning to my current school. It has not worked out. All the schools that have shown any interest in me are rather far from my house, an average of 25-30 miles across traffic-infected Denver. That is fine by my, though. I look forward to getting back into a classroom and actually attempting to teach some kids a lesson.
One of the exciting aspects of spring break is all the time I can spend with my kids. Jenni is working a couple extras days since I am home, so I get to do much with the little ones. The most exciting aspect of being with the kids is dressing them each morning. The most exciting aspect of dressing the kids is finding socks for them. My girls have no less than 40 socks, and none of them seem to have a partner (please don't think I am exaggerating). I would sooner find Cibola than I would a matching pair of socks. They have 5 pink socks, 4 blue socks, 4 green socks, 9 white socks, and 3 purple socks. None of the match. I should say, none of them are pairs. Some of them match but are not a pair. This bothers me. Socks are made to be a pair. You can't go mix-matching socks like its Woodstock. This endless search for a pair of socks (I can't even imagine looking for two pairs--the girls will just have to share) leaves me rather perturbed. I will overcome.
That is all.

Great finish

I did not see this when it happened. You may have, and you may have heard of it. It is one of the most exciting finishes I have seen in a long time.

Springtime

Spring is here.
Now things change.
Raindrops replace snowflakes.
Cold winds give way to cool breezes.
Now things grow.
Leaves and flowers bud and blossom on naked and neeful branches.
I and my two girls celebrate birthdays--the girls, 1 and 3, I my third decade.

My son is getting older--he grows inches each day.
I wonder what type of man he will become.
I wonder if he will become a complete man--a godly man, an educated man, a family man.
Will he become all the things I wish I were?
Will he become all the things I wish I weren't?
Will he accomplish all the things God has for him?
I wonder if my son will alway be able to wonder.

Addie is a firecraker.
She is so small, but so is her world.
As she grows, so will her world.
What will she do in this giangitic world?
What will this gigantic world do to her?
Will she be safe?
Will she find her place?
Will the world find a place in her?
I pray that as much as she grows, the world will never grow in her.

Sweet, sweet Sonya.
This day I can sit and hold her fragile feet in my frail hands.
One day I with trembling heart will walk those feet down the aisle.
To what kind of man will I give those feet?
What kind of lady will I give that man?
I know God's grace will always be under those feet.
I hope those feet always rest on God's grace.

Bless these my blessings, O Lord.

House pictures

This is our new house. You can see more pictures of it at our web album. Following is the floor plan of the house. I think that the floor plan, along with the pictures, will allow you to take a virtual tour of the house. I could not go in the master bedroom, and Jenni was taking a nap. Enjoy.

For the kids

This is a very sweet and interesting letter. Read it now.



Urban Legends Reference Pages: These Things I Wish for You and Paul Harvey

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Internet

I now have internet access at my new home. I had to buy a new modem, for the one I had was ungood. With my Quest DSL service I get MSN Premium Internet something. I don't care what moniker Microsoft uses, or what superlative they attach to their software, it is all nearly crap. I make every attempt to avoid every piece of software Microsoft develops. Not that I have anything against Microsoft, I just have everything for their opponents in the corporate world. At any rate, I should be able to resume my posting on a semi-non-regular basis. Pictures are still forthcoming.
That is all.

Something Beautiful

Newsboys - Something Beautiful
From the album Go

I wanna start it over
I wanna start again
I wanna a new beginning
One without an end
I feel it inside
Calling out to me

Chorus:
It's a voice that whispers my name
It's a kiss without any shame
Something beautiful
Like a song that stirs in my head
Singing love will take us where
Somethings beautiful

I've heard it in the silence
Seen it on a face
I've felt it in the long hour
Like a sweet embrace
I know this is true
It's calling out to me

Chorus:

It's the child on her wedding day
It's the daddy that gives her away
Something beautiful
When we laugh so hard we cry
Oh the love between you and I
Something beautiful

Chorus:

It's the child on her wedding day
It's the daddy that gives her away
Something beautiful
When we laugh so hard we cry
It's the love between you and I
Something beautiful

Posting dirth

Have moved into new house. Was without Internet access at home. Unable to post. Will be posting much soon. Will take pictures of new abode. Will post pictures of new dwelling. Will post virtual tour of house.
Very happy.
That is all.

March Maddness

I haven't posted as much on March Madness, the most wonderful time of the year, as I haven't had a chance. All I can say for now is that I have chosen Texas to win it all. They are this year's Syracuse, and Kevin Durant is this years Carmelo Anthony. We will see how that goes.
Duke will have a hard time winning one game. They will not make it to the Sweet Sixteen. Duke detractors will have their schadenfreude. We Duke delighters have only one of the winningest basketball teams in history. They will be back.
That is all.

Flickr

I just signed up with Flickr. You can see my photos here. Better yet, you can subscribe to my RSS feed here. I don't know yet whether I will prefer Picasa Web Albums or Flickr. I will use both for the time being.
I promise some new pictures sometime in the next two weeks. We have some serious goings-on this weekend. I will update you as soon as I possibly can.
That is all.

True

G.K. Chesterton:

"To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it."

Is it ironic?

For all you literature fans out there, tell me if this story is ironic, or just coincidental.

Death by Drowning at a Lifeguards’ Party.

In 1985, to celebrate their first drowning-free season ever, the lifeguards of the New Orleans recreation department decided to throw themselves a party.

When the party ended, a 31-year-old guest named Jerome Moody was found dead on the bottom of the recreation department’s pool.

Either way, it has a certain morbid hilarity to it. You can find other interesting deaths on this website.

Long awaited.

Finally, some new pictures of the kids. I have also posted a new album to the web here that includes some pictures from around Christmas. I have also finished uploading the 2006 Retrospective 2 (thank you Picasa for increasing your web storage). You will see some pictures from Sonya's early days there. Hope you enjoy.

Fighting a losing battle

ScrappleFace is almost always funny and perceptive. His latest article is one of his better ones.

GOP Iraq Pull-Out Amendment to End War on AIDS

Just a day after Democrats introduced a bill setting a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq, Republicans today plan to offer an amendment which would establish a timeline for U.S. retreat from the war on AIDS.

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Smile

This is why I sometimes look-up and smile for satellite photos.

Blogging frenzy

I see that my blogging tendencies are very erratic. I will go several days without a post, and then I will post 7 times in one evening. I hope this doesn't frustrate my loyal reader (thank you, Jess). I would promise to be more consistent, possibly posting once a day, but I would never keep that promise. So my reply to you is to deal with it.
Go here for a great Dilbert.
That is all.

Stand Up Economist

Now I can teach economics.

Go to

How to live a moral life.

A closer look

Ever since I first saw Star Wars, I have felt an uneasiness. I have not been able to express even to myself what this uneasiness was. The film left me rather empty, in a very indefinite way. Now, thanks to this post, I know what that uneasiness was all about. It was the uncomfortable, unanswered questions.

TC Lady Eagles

Congratulations Twin City Lady Eagles. Word on the street is that you took 3rd place at regionals. Great work. It seems as though you had a great season. Winning 3rd at state is a good way to finish the season. It is always nice to end with a win.
Congratulations seniors. I hope you value the time you had with your team. High school sports can be some of the fondest memories you hold throughout your lifetime. I hope that that is true for you.
Good work, girls.

Winter Jam

This past Sunday, my wife and I went to Winter Jam, a multi-artist Christian concert. It was a great time. The featured artists were Newsong, Hawk Nelson, Steven Curtis Chapman, and Jeremy Camp. There were some other, lesser known groups there as well. We had a really good time. I didn't care for all the music, but all of the artists were at least entertaining. I really enjoyed the last two. I even bought Camp's new CD, "Beyond Measure". It was only $7, cheaper than iTunes. It is really good. Chapman had his two teenage sons with him, who have a band of their own, The Following. They played a song, and it was really good.
This was my first true concert experience, and it was quite the experience. The arena was filled with around 7,000 people. This was a first class production, what with the premier sound equipment and cool lighting. We were not real close to the stage, but close enough. It is nice to go to a concert with music that is fun, and that has a Christian message to it. Not all of the message was very deep. It didn't need to be. It is good to relax and have fun at times. There was a speaker, Tony Nolan. He gave a clear salvation message, and many people raised their hands saying they had made a decision. I pray that many of these were life changing decisions.

Cruise missile

Some has found a satellite picture of an airborne cruise missile flying somewhere in the American southwest. That is really cool. How much time would it take someone to find something like that?

Shared items

I don't know how many of you that read this blog (if there are any of you that read this blog) look at the "Shared Items" box to the left, but you should. Interesting little tidbits from the world wide web that I happen upon as I surf are to be found there. Many of them are from the blog ScrappleFace. This is a conservative, satirical news site. Most of the time it is really funny. The newest article is about McCain's Presidential run. Check it out. It is funny.

True quote

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

--Russell Baker

A very annoying quiz

This quiz is very annoying. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Strangely, though, I had to keep playing it. See how many times it takes you to get through it.

Maryland defeats Duke

I might have expected it, but I could never have accepted it. There are over 330 teams in the NCAA Division 1. I don't mind if any of them beat Duke, except Maryland (and possibly Prairie View, because they really stink). I can even tolerate UNC beating Duke, for I do not mind Roy Williams all that much.
However, I really don't like Maryland, and I really don't like it when they beat Duke, which has happened often recently. I really don't like anything about the team. I dislike their team colors. I think their uniforms with their stupid whatever borders are stupid and annoying. I think the turtle is a ridiculous mascot. I do not like Gary Williams at all. I have no good reason for this. He is a good coach. I simply do not like him. I do not like, nor have I ever liked, any player that has played basketball for Maryland, whether it be Len Bias, or Juan Dixon, or Steve Blake (especially Steve Blake), or, currently, D.J. Strawberry or Mike Jones. I do not like the fans. The fans at Maryland have been some of the cruelest in the ACC in recent memory (You may remember they are the ones who, in a nationally televised game, chanted a vulgar statement at J.J. Redick). I do not like the Maryland Terrapins, and I do not like it when they defeat Duke.

On another note, my current favorite Duke player is David McClure. He is not a superstar, but he is a scrapper. He is the type of guy you can count on to do the "dirty work". He will fight for the important rebounds. He will dive on the floor for the critical loose ball. He is a tremendous role player that will even knock down a shot at the key time. He does what his team needs him to do. He can make a big difference in key times in key games. Look for him.