Must see me TV

Much to my utter chagrin, I missed last week's special "Oprah Winfrey presents Oprah's Prime Time Oscar Spectacular." Like most unsuspecting Americans and George Clooney, I cannot get enough of Oprah's self-inflating broadcast exposure. This week I will surely not miss "Oprah Winfrey presents The Prime Time Good-Things-Oprah-Has-Done-for-the-World-Today Special." I need to find a way to program my non-TiVo DVR to record anything and everything Oprah. As she constantly reminds us, she is such a gracious and beneficent person. I do believe next week is the premier of "Oprah Winfrey presents Oprah's Prime Time Gifts-from-my-Sponsors Event."

Ode to Oprah

O, Oprah, my Oprah!
How lovely are thy ways!
How good to the world you are!
How kind and generous you are!
Let you count for us the ways in which you bring community and peace to mankind.
Let you count for us the ways in which you do that which few Americans, especially those without a staff of hundreds and more sponsors than a NASCAR racing team, do for the forgotten and neglected.
O, Oprah, my Oprah!
You give us hope that anyone with a bankroll of millions, and unrestricted television access can truly appear to make a difference in this world.
You give us hope that all the problems of the world diminish when we gather together with dozens of our closest diva friends around a finely tailored couch with only a book and our naked feelings.
You give us hope, dear Oprah, that is not important what you do, but what you are able to tell a nationwide audience of millions of depressed and desperate housewives what you have done.
O, Oprah, my Oprah!
Without you weekday afternoons would have no meaning.
Without you we would not know what to read or wear or watch, or who to praise and who to shun. We would not know anything without you.
Without you we would not have Dr. Phil, the Professor of pop-psychobabel. We would never think how "it" is working for us. How could we ever loose weight or gain self-esteem?
Without you we would have no choice but to watch Judge Judy. What kind of life is that?
O, Oprah, my Oprah!
You feel good about you.
You help us to feel good about you.
Someday, you may help us to feel good about us.
Thank you, dearest Oprah.