Doan Courant

The semi-whenever newsletter for one of the many Doan Families.

Friday, January 26, 2007


1. Radio commercials--I listen to talk radio everyday as I travel to and from work. I enjoy listening to talk radio. I do not enjoy radio commercials. I have never heard a radio commercial that did not annoy me beyond all human comprehension. I do understand why commercials that seek to be funny have the effectiveness of chocolate tires. None of them even come close to being funny. They are all extremely stupid.

2. Traffic--I should be able to drive across town on a road designed specifically for me. This road would have no other cars on it, and would take me to where ever I desire. The other night my family and myself were driving to my sister's condo, which is on the far east side of town (somewhere close to New Jersey). We left our house at 5:15. Traffic is normally heavy at this time of night, but moving. Every single street in the Denver Metro Area was a parking lot, all because some stupid person got in some stupid accident, causing a shut-down of stupid I-225, resulting in every stupid driver in the tri-county area being on the same stupid road I was on. There should be laws against this.

3. 8th graders--Nearly everything nearly every 8th grader does pushes me dangerously close to a multi-state murder spree. They are entirely devoid of manners, courtesy, sound reasoning, common sense, coordination, humor, insight, coherent communication skills, taste, self-awareness, self-discipline, self-respect, humility, compassion, respect, and dignity. They lack even an Aboriginal level of person hygiene. I know I am generalizing, but that is because I have never met the three 8th graders in northern Minnesota that fail to meet this discription. There are only two things that 8th graders do that do not annoy me, and I do not know what they are because no 8th grader I have ever known has ever done them. I wanted to leave myself a small opening.

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